Tuesday, April 27, 2010


You're all ungrateful wretches

WELLINGTON based property tycoon Terry Serepisos is beside himself with grief and bewilderment after having been exposed as owing $2 million in rates to Wellington City Council.

"Why? Why are people being so mean to me," sobbed an inconsolable Serepisos, his bitter tears mingling with the sparkling water of the dollar sign shaped swimming pool adorning his lavish home.

"After all I've done for this city, after I generously offered to host a bad local knock off of The Apprentice and after all those selfless photo opportunities," cried the multi-millionaire, blowing his nose into a genuine gold leaf hanky, "I even hugged John Key," he blubbered.

"I'm the S to the Pisos man!"

Our reporter then followed the distraught Serepisos inside, bling clanking, where he sat down at his desk beneath a large portrait of himself smiling benignly in a Wellington Phoenix uniform and sighed.

"I used to have some respect in this city," said the property developer forcefully, "But now my reputation is in tatters, and all over a measly two million dollars."

"Two million ain't shit to the S to the Pisos man!" he added.

"Anyway, you're all ungrateful wretches, and you're not the boss of me, so if you all keep being mean I'll just take my football team and go home, and then you'll all be really sorry. You'll all be like, I wish we weren't such bastards to the S to the Pisos man, 'cos his football team was fully sick."

Serepisos, now suddenly relaxed, then leaned back in his chair, a serene grin playing across his face.

Several minutes later Wellington mayor Kerry Prendergast emerged from beneath the slick magnate's desk, somewhat disheveled with her lipstick smeared, and told Rabid Fire that herself and the council were "working closely with Terry" to ensure that a deal could be reached.


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