Monday, April 12, 2010


Key: "I think a bit of wee came out"

PRIME Minister John Key addressed the usual throng of worn out hacks last week about his highly anticipated visit to Washington DC for the upcoming nuclear security summit.

"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" exclaimed a wide eyed Key.

"I think a bit of wee came out", he blushed, suddenly looking downcast and agitated.

But the PM soon brightened, opening the Prime Ministerial lunchbox to show the press gallery his special lunch.

"Look! Look! Bronagh's made me special aeroplane shaped sandwiches for when I go on the aeroplane!"

Key, holding a special aeroplane shaped sandwich in each hand, then swung the bread and egg salad based sculptures above his head, beaming joyously.


"When I go to America," said Key importantly, "I'm going to meet Mr Vice President, and maybe if I'm a very good boy I might get to meet Mr President, who's a very important big man."

"A very long time ago some naughty people wouldn't play with the Americans and they couldn't bring their boats here anymore. That made them sad and Mr. Palmer says I should let them bring their boats back. I like boats!"

Key was then led away by his security detail, heard asking excitedly if he could draw another flag on a napkin again.

Prime Minister Key this week met with US Vice President Joe Biden and on his knees, told him how awesome he was and begged for deferential trade treatment. A puzzled Biden asked Secret Service personnel who had let the "guy who carries the Australian Prime Minister's golf clubs around in here", before being corrected as to Key's identity, to which he told the PM "Fuck off - I've got work to do."



  1. As someone who knows Mr Kitten quite passionately I can categorically state that he would never utter a phrase such as Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! as you eloquently put - apart from that one time when he nestled himself between my thighs. (which is another story entirely).


    Upper Hutt

  2. Well, after she had eaten, and it became evening, she felt sleepy from her journey, and thought she would like to go to bed, so she rang the bell. She had barely rung it before she found herself in a room, where there was a bed made as fair and white as anyone would wish to sleep in, with silken pillows and curtains, and gold fringe. All that was in the room was gold or silver. After she had gone to bed, and put out the light, a man came and laid himself alongside her. It was the Mr Kitten, who cast off his pelt at night; but she never saw him, for he always came after she had put out the light. Before the day dawned he was up and off again. Things went on happily for a while, but at last she became quiet and sad. She was alone all day long, and she became very homesick to see her father and mother and brothers and sisters. So one day, when the Mr Kitten asked what was wrong with her, she said it was so lonely there, and how she longed to go home to see her father and mother and brothers and sisters, and that was why she was so sad, because she couldn't get to them. Mr Kitten replied, Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  3. Don't let it be said that we here at Rabid Fire don't understand your pain Sexypointybits.