KEY "WETTING HIMSELF" OVER NUCLEAR SECURITY SUMMIT
Key: "I think a bit of wee came out"
PRIME Minister John Key addressed the usual throng of worn out hacks last week about his highly anticipated visit to Washington DC for the upcoming nuclear security summit.
"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" exclaimed a wide eyed Key.
"I think a bit of wee came out", he blushed, suddenly looking downcast and agitated.
But the PM soon brightened, opening the Prime Ministerial lunchbox to show the press gallery his special lunch.
"Look! Look! Bronagh's made me special aeroplane shaped sandwiches for when I go on the aeroplane!"
Key, holding a special aeroplane shaped sandwich in each hand, then swung the bread and egg salad based sculptures above his head, beaming joyously.
"VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!," the PM said pointedly.
"When I go to America," said Key importantly, "I'm going to meet Mr Vice President, and maybe if I'm a very good boy I might get to meet Mr President, who's a very important big man."
"A very long time ago some naughty people wouldn't play with the Americans and they couldn't bring their boats here anymore. That made them sad and Mr. Palmer says I should let them bring their boats back. I like boats!"
Key was then led away by his security detail, heard asking excitedly if he could draw another flag on a napkin again.
Prime Minister Key this week met with US Vice President Joe Biden and on his knees, told him how awesome he was and begged for deferential trade treatment. A puzzled Biden asked Secret Service personnel who had let the "guy who carries the Australian Prime Minister's golf clubs around in here", before being corrected as to Key's identity, to which he told the PM "Fuck off - I've got work to do."