TIGER Woods is set to make a carefully stage managed apology for his last apology. Woods watchers believe this is to clear the ground for the public apology he has planned for next month.
Wood's New Zealand born caddy and professional gimp Steve Williams told Rabid Fire that the fallen idol was undergoing intensive training sessions in such expert maneuvers as "staring at his feet", "looking ashamed of himself", and "wiping away a solitary tear and sniffing".
The world famous pussy hound is expected to apologise profusely for the apparent insincerity of his prior apology, and promise that his next orchestrated grovelling session will pull out all the stops, and may even involve a shirtless Woods flagellating himself with a cat o' nine tails and wailing incoherently.
Sports commentator and shameless sycophant Ronald D Arselicker said that, "This is just the prelude to what may be the most spectacular and selfless act of self sacrifice and humility by a billionaire playboy that the world has ever seen. I shall certainly be glued to my TV, most likely masturbating furiously."
"Lest we forget, Tiger's ill advised putting of his penis in places that violated his marriage vows have also cost his corporate sponsors millions of dollars in product placement. Nobody even thought of them, and I think that should be a big concern for us all, " droned the starry eyed twat as our reporter rapidly lost interest in his deluded ramblings.
Rabid Fire was unable to obtain information as to whether Woods would also apologise for the whole fiasco being a complete and utter attention seeking waste of everybody's time at the time of going to press.
NZ GUTTER PRESS
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