Thursday, July 21, 2011


Murdoch: Cuddly

media baron Rupert Murdoch patiently addressed the pointed questions of British MPs over the shameful News Of The World phone hacking scandal, his face a picture of hurt and concern. Moments later, the cuddly news mogul was viciously attacked with a shaving cream pie to the face by a cowardly and clearly unbalanced radical.

A frail and confused looking Murdoch wiped foam from his ancient and world weary visage, his loyal young wife still screaming for revenge, as the lunatic lefty UK Uncut activist Jonathan "Johnnie Marbles" May-Bowles was taken into custody, hopefully for a well deserved beating.

In the aftermath of the attack, British MPs admitted their shame at ever having put the mild mannered octogenarian in such a vulnerable position.

"Just looking at Mr. Murdoch sitting their quivering like a sick elderly turtle should be enough to advertise the man's innocence in this whole unfortunate affair to any decent person," said the Conservative member for Burley upon Pratt Sir Humphrey Lewington Barnyard Traditional Country Pursuits OBE.

Support for the stricken geriatric went across the house, as normally fiery backbench rebel Labour MP Stanley "Pickled Egg" Harris stated that "How anyone could think this kind, sweet man, this working class hero, could have known anything about the sickening deletion of personal messages from a dead teenager's phone after seeing him nearly snap like a dry twig in the wind from the force of that pie is completely beyond me."

British Prime Minister David Cameron is expected to release a statement in the next few days to the effect that Rupert Murdoch will no longer have to answer any difficult questions relating to this "beastly business" or indeed anything else for the rest of his natural life by Royal Decree.

Mr. Murdoch's family and legions of minions are believed to be standing by the beloved patriarch at this difficult time, at least the ones who have not turned up dead yet.


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