Wednesday, May 12, 2010


"I have a great love for the conservation estate in this country."

ENERGY and Resources Minister Gerry Brownlee mortified residents of Thames today as he rampaged naked through the Coromandel Peninsula township, seemingly completely oblivious to the screams of horror emanating from locals as he jogged sweatily up the main street, waving, winking and attempting to shake hands with residents, several of whom were later treated for shock.

During the six hour long ordeal, the unsuspecting people of Thames were subjected to Brownlee:

  • Brazenly manipulating his stubby genitalia at local Iwi whilst shouting something about a "hui" with the Hauraki Kaumatua Kaunihera Council whom he invited to "discuss views about opening up conservation land for mining," as he bounced clumsily from foot to foot in a depraved and insulting dance of quivering buttocks.
  • Urinating on several revered landmarks whilst casually yelling at fleeing passersby about "respect for the environment and New Zealand's clean green image" but "ensuring maximum opportunities for economic growth."
  • Defecating in the foyer of the Shortland Court motel as staff openly vomited, as he told them how they too could be a God's Own paradise of the kind only known in Waihi, before stomping back out on the street, uprooting a tree and wiping his besplattered arse with it.
  • Engaging in shameless public sexual intercourse with a parking meter, all the while raving deliriously about surgical keyhole mining before smashing the machine open and absconding with the coinage inside.
The crazed MP finally collapsed into a spent heap in the middle of Queen St, covered in a foul mixture of his own bodily fluids and ravaged bits of earth, before a small boy bravely approached to tell him he was naked and lying in his own filth on the side of the road.

Rabid Fire would like to thank the brave Daggers for daring to approach the deranged politician closely enough to obtain the photographic evidence used in this article. As Billy Ray Cyrus once said, some gave all.


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